Mezco wants to go to bed with you.

It's not as torrid as it sounds.

After years of successfully convincing horror fans to buy multiple action figure versions of the same three characters, toy manufacturer Mezco is branching out with…the same three characters.

Realizing that most of its core customer base has likely run out of shelf space several times over thanks to the continuous stream of varied Freddy, Jason, and Leatherface toys, Mezco (which seems to have gotten its name following a drunken discussion of North American geography) has repurposed its Cinema of Fear line for the plush doll crowd, resulting in three of the most heinous hunks of plastic to ever roll off a Chinese assembly line.

The company’s second wave of roto-plush slasher icons dolls are out now, and they’re every bit as asinine as you’d expect. While I have to commend the sculptors behind these for their meticulous attention to detail, I simply can’t endorse the creation of a Leatherface toy that looks like a disheveled Paul Reiser covered in half-chewed Milk Duds.