tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-67203580571547284102024-03-13T10:51:00.373-07:00Blackest Eyes - Horror movie culture and commentaryJohnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05827046821343663616noreply@blogger.comBlogger59125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6720358057154728410.post-29145950631510075312009-07-18T08:26:00.000-07:002011-05-18T08:30:31.491-07:00Here Lies Blackest Eyes<div>Effective July 2009, I'm concentrating my ghoulish efforts elsewhere. </div><div><br /></div><div>Keep up with my various non-horror scribbles at <a href="http://jdeadly.tumblr.com/">jdeadly.tumblr.com</a>.</div>Johnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05827046821343663616noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6720358057154728410.post-2667418757614847502009-02-10T22:52:00.000-08:002009-02-10T23:47:02.496-08:00Seth Grahame-Smith Eats Jane Austen's Heart Out<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqd5AGtrBuEE3cTQ8O6Rz8TOPyFCDwQMoUnqqxVkul9seJGhJVb9BSH0Git0HqECCj1p2GOoYx5qtDhapr8hlC2-qFCwUXq0K0WYL9csS26YmdrsAtBr7wvR4cDo23QkmPjNQE8zId5_M/s1600-h/510XXFxXXGL._SS500_.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer; width: 229px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjqd5AGtrBuEE3cTQ8O6Rz8TOPyFCDwQMoUnqqxVkul9seJGhJVb9BSH0Git0HqECCj1p2GOoYx5qtDhapr8hlC2-qFCwUXq0K0WYL9csS26YmdrsAtBr7wvR4cDo23QkmPjNQE8zId5_M/s320/510XXFxXXGL._SS500_.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5301443111809034402" border="0" /></a>While the rest of the world continues to amuse itself by adding the phrase "in bed" to the end of whatever very American-ish adage it finds in its fortune cookies ("You will prosper greatly...in bed;" "An hour with a friend is greater than a year with 10 strangers... in bed;" "Milk Duds are better... in bed."), Seth Grahame-Smith (author of a variety of guidebooks covering topics from politics to porn... and Spider-Man) has raised the cultural adaptation bar 100-fold by imagining what great wonders might result when one tacks the words "and zombies" onto titles of classic English literature.<br /><br />Smith's book <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Pride-Prejudice-Zombies-Classic-Ultraviolent/dp/1594743347/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1234335706&sr=1-1">Pride and Prejudice and Zombies</a>, which supposedly contains the original text of Jane Austen's novel amended with interstitial scenes of unapologetic zombie-on-human violence, is currently ranked at #86 on Amazon's top-selling titles... <span style="font-style: italic;">three months before it's even released</span>. I'm pretty sure we haven't seen anticipation of this magnitude since <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PxZUk_ma5eE&feature=related">the <span style="font-style: italic;">Punky Brewster</span> cliffhanger episode where Punky got trapped in a cave with the spider from <span style="font-weight: bold;">It</span></a>.<br /><br />No word from Smith on whether he plans to "plus" other classic novels, but I'm hoping his next target is Hemingway; he'd add a whole new dimension to <span style="font-style: italic;">A Farewell to Arms</span>.Johnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05827046821343663616noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6720358057154728410.post-47455620828325724012009-01-20T20:37:00.000-08:002009-01-20T21:01:14.785-08:00Back in 5 | Or, Sabbatical of the Living Dead<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5hR-cFhR0D16Pv0zZw1zGhK5VXri7X2tnRVuCQ_eG2W-HLybxKp4B9eZ95GY3XzjxgXJYjmCRVmLGSqLVAhyphenhyphenYVaB1ErWuUzbzZkUSEW4B7YDv1Kg5h1Udjz11vpS0NKxO8IBFPgtWQ14/s1600-h/DeadAtDesk.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer; width: 164px; height: 272px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5hR-cFhR0D16Pv0zZw1zGhK5VXri7X2tnRVuCQ_eG2W-HLybxKp4B9eZ95GY3XzjxgXJYjmCRVmLGSqLVAhyphenhyphenYVaB1ErWuUzbzZkUSEW4B7YDv1Kg5h1Udjz11vpS0NKxO8IBFPgtWQ14/s320/DeadAtDesk.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5293602306343015234" border="0" /></a>If you've been diligently checking back here over the last couple months, I owe you. How does a handful of leftover Christmas candy sound?<br /><br />This is not one of those "I'm shutting down" messages, nor is it a litany of excuses about the lack of anything worth talking about; these eyes have just had to focus on other endeavors, some of which remain ongoing, most of which involve creating stuff instead of just commenting on stuff, and all of which require too much concentration to allow me to post here as frequently as I'd like.<br /><br />But things will keep rolling. Not at some indefinite point in the future; they'll keep rolling right now. They just might not roll as often as that other blog you read. You know, the one with the rodeo clown.<br /><br />Thanks for hanging. I've done some housecleaning to show my gratitude. Click around and let me know what you think. About anything. Especially anything that involves monkeys.Johnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05827046821343663616noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6720358057154728410.post-26520364200299940182008-10-29T12:52:00.000-07:002008-10-30T12:59:14.294-07:00Mezco wants to go to bed with you.<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvIKgua4K6zODtbc9nHSiuu2O0U_z5i7BIocFdgO4j7WP1UFfiZmjKOi3KDaPjSwztv7TL7lf4YApU951NRwS9SCKdbpCj4O_q7kXLO7EAu4E-0VlsC0T36AM87f5r-sS4sovYS58N6Lg/s1600-h/cof_plush02_1.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer; width: 254px; height: 320px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgvIKgua4K6zODtbc9nHSiuu2O0U_z5i7BIocFdgO4j7WP1UFfiZmjKOi3KDaPjSwztv7TL7lf4YApU951NRwS9SCKdbpCj4O_q7kXLO7EAu4E-0VlsC0T36AM87f5r-sS4sovYS58N6Lg/s320/cof_plush02_1.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5263038898807384530" border="0" /></a>It's not as torrid as it sounds.<br /><br />After years of successfully convincing horror fans to buy multiple action figure versions of the same three characters, toy manufacturer Mezco is branching out with…the same three characters.<br /><br />Realizing that most of its core customer base has likely run out of shelf space several times over thanks to the continuous stream of varied Freddy, Jason, and Leatherface toys, Mezco (which seems to have gotten its name following a drunken discussion of North American geography) has repurposed its Cinema of Fear line for the plush doll crowd, resulting in three of the most heinous hunks of plastic to ever roll off a Chinese assembly line.<br /><br />The company’s second wave of <a href="http://www.mezcotoyz.com/products/cof_plush_002.asp">roto-plush slasher icons dolls</a> are out now, and they’re every bit as asinine as you’d expect. While I have to commend the sculptors behind these for their meticulous attention to detail, I simply can’t endorse the creation of a Leatherface toy that looks like a disheveled Paul Reiser covered in half-chewed Milk Duds.Johnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05827046821343663616noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6720358057154728410.post-51243074096560575212008-10-20T20:06:00.000-07:002008-10-20T20:40:47.496-07:00It's a SAW World After All<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhv16r_ua4ECbh8hMH26uRXaJhhbKAfKykOElcCbgRa2XwHq6rLaeYn68_7vGhlJ1HWYqE-CV9yxDmoEWa43daje3z-8m8KLAYCARAdC3UfnJW89bCamD8U9HQnri_H1puRJixjoUM5IKI/s1600-h/sawrideposter.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhv16r_ua4ECbh8hMH26uRXaJhhbKAfKykOElcCbgRa2XwHq6rLaeYn68_7vGhlJ1HWYqE-CV9yxDmoEWa43daje3z-8m8KLAYCARAdC3UfnJW89bCamD8U9HQnri_H1puRJixjoUM5IKI/s320/sawrideposter.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5259446935418058562" border="0" /></a>If <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Honey,_I_Shrunk_the_Audience">Rick Moranis</a> and <a href="http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=8821831745956085745">Ellen Degeneres</a> can get their own theme park attractions, why not Jigsaw?<br /><br />Maybe that's not the exact rationale that went into Thorpe Park's decision to build <a href="http://www.slashfilm.com/2008/10/14/torture-porn-the-theme-park-ride-saw-coaster-to-open-in-thorpe-park/">a new roller coaster themed to the <span style="font-style: italic;">Saw</span> movies</a>, but I'm sure it's reasonably close.<br /><br />Whatever the case, Thorpe <span style="font-style: italic;">is</span> building a new ride inspired by Jigsaw's exploits, and they've posted a <a href="http://www.sawtheride.com/">teaser site</a> that <strike>presents such a detailed account of the design, ongoing construction, and ultimate realization of the ride that you can practically feel the hard rubber headrests (designed to look like that jaw-trap thingy from the first film, of course) banging against your noggin at high velocity</strike> makes absolutely no effing sense whatsoever. At least it's faithful to the film series that inspired it.<br /><br />As pathetically obsessed with theme parks as I am with horror, I have every reason to be excited about this announcement, except for the fact that: <span style="font-weight: bold;">1.</span> By the time I'm able to afford a trip to England I'll be too old blink, let alone go on roller coasters; and <span style="font-weight: bold;">2:</span> The <span style="font-style: italic;">Saw</span> series is completely, utterly stupid.<br /><br />Then again, I suppose this development is better than something like <span style="font-style: italic;">Hostel: Live On Stage</span>.<br /><br />Hmmm...Johnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05827046821343663616noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6720358057154728410.post-42048043772059116392008-10-10T20:14:00.000-07:002008-10-15T01:30:58.608-07:00Treatwatch 2008If I could be anywhere in the world tonight -- excluding Drew Barrymore's couch -- I'd be at <a href="http://www.screamfestla.com/"><span style="font-weight: bold;"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">Screamfest</span> 2008</span></a>, where Michael <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Doherty's</span> film <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Trick_%27r_Treat"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Trick 'r Treat</span></a> <span style="font-style: italic;">finally</span> makes its world premiere in just a few short traffic-laden West Coast hours. Much like <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/House_of_1000_Corpses#Reception"><span style="font-weight: bold;">House of 1000 Corpses</span></a> did back, <span style="font-style: italic;"><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Trea</span></span><span style="font-style: italic;">t</span> has turned into something a minor legend due to its shuffling release dates and the <a href="http://www.slashfilm.com/2008/04/07/trick-r-treat-dropped-by-warner-bros-currently-in-distribution-limbo/">yes-we-will/no-we-won't game</a> Warner Bros. continues to play with it, to the point that I often worry if maybe we're better off never seeing it; as if maybe there's just no way it could ever live up to the controversy that continues to grow around it, and it's much more valuable to us as a modern-day <a href="http://www.michaelgebert.com/lam/lam1.html"><span style="font-weight: bold;">London After Midnight</span></a>, talked of in complete reverence because no one knows any better.<br /><br />And then I watch the trailer again.<br /><br /><center><br /><object height="344" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/wUqsXvBAqRY&color1=0xb1b1b1&color2=0xcfcfcf&hl=en&fs=1"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/wUqsXvBAqRY&color1=0xb1b1b1&color2=0xcfcfcf&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" height="344" width="425"></embed></object><br /></center><br /><br />If I could have one influential wish on Hollywood, it would not be the <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">eradication</span> of Jar Jar <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">Binks</span>, or a charity boxing match between <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">Uwe</span> Boll and Kevin Williamson, or a <a href="http://www.dreadcentral.com/story/exclusive-dekker-talks-monster-squad-sequel">sequel to <span style="font-weight: bold;">The Monster Squad</span></a>. It would simply be that this film be released widely and just turn out <span style="font-style: italic;">half</span> as awesome as this trailer.<br /><br />But since the likelihood of that happening is probably less than even that of the other three, I'll settle for some reviews. When not out pumpkin' picking this weekend, I'll be scanning for reviews from tonight's screening and posting them here. If you come across one, earn yourself a nice spot in the heaven of conscientious e-mailers (and a free Slurpee, should we ever meet) and <a href="mailto:xblackesteyesx@gmail.com?Subject=Treat" talk="">e-mail it to me</a>. I'll look 'em over and post some overall impressions on Monday. And then I'll mail four severed ears and a broken crock pot to Warner Bros.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Treat Talk:</span><br /><ul><li><a href="http://www.bloody-disgusting.com/film/1411/review">Bloody-Disgusting</a></li><li><a href="http://creepyla.com/blog/2008/10/13/review-trick-r-treat/">Creepy LA</a><br /></li><li><a href="http://horror-movie-a-day.blogspot.com/2008/10/trick-r-treat.html">Horror-Movie-A-Day</a></li><li><a href="http://horrorsnotdead.com/wpress/2008/guest-review-trick-r-treat/">Horror's Not Dead</a></li></ul><span style="font-weight: bold;">UPDATE:</span><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">"...I can’t imagine a single horror fan that won’t fall head over heels in love with it.</span>"<br /><br />Read only the first paragraph of any of the reviews posted above and you'll see similar conclusions drawn. Surely there are those who were underwhelmed by the film, but if they are out they're, they're not writing about their feelings and posting them on the Internet. That doesn't necessarily mean anything conclusive, but in a world where test screenings count more than contracts or common sense, it's possibly the biggest help the film can get right now. Doherty may have essentially <a href="http://shocktillyoudrop.com/news/topnews.php?id=8071">washed his claws of the film</a>, but if it ever does creep its way out from behind the Warner studio gates, it will most likely rest heavily on the shoulders of the comments he heard Friday night and the digital words spilled in the screening's wake. If it doesn't ever see an official release, it will most likely displace <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LbvP7dT3Dx0">this</a> as the pinnacle of all things viewable in a 2x2" frame.Johnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05827046821343663616noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6720358057154728410.post-37106303868598149262008-10-09T19:22:00.000-07:002008-10-09T20:31:54.150-07:00Mouse of Usher<span style="font-size:130%;"><span style="font-style: italic;">AMC's Website Runs Better Movies Than Its Cable Channel</span></span><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOAAcnxiqJ590gMHBH2YOi8GKgvovNXbvK4Hwhe3ATtBbMEZzD-Zx8XPxmpauu2TamS8Y-hIU7IC83KNE2EK9ra3CpuQ6mCVhOCFiOIxVY0dvlb7ou3CQ5ig7JNfUTkVlhEENdu8VHClM/s1600-h/51NBVHR9J9L._SL500_.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOAAcnxiqJ590gMHBH2YOi8GKgvovNXbvK4Hwhe3ATtBbMEZzD-Zx8XPxmpauu2TamS8Y-hIU7IC83KNE2EK9ra3CpuQ6mCVhOCFiOIxVY0dvlb7ou3CQ5ig7JNfUTkVlhEENdu8VHClM/s320/51NBVHR9J9L._SL500_.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5255362440705061810" border="0" /></a>It's been a long time since the acronym "AMC" represented "American Movie Classics" in TV channel listings. The phrase that usually comes to my mind when <span style="font-style: italic;">I</span> see those letters strung together is "Any More Channels?" Since the late '90s, right around the time Rupert Murdoch acquired the network and started breaking the films up for commercials, there's been little about <a href="http://www.amctv.com/">AMC</a> that's been "classic" (unless you're talking "classic Swayze," in which case the channel's ceaseless airing of <a style="font-weight: bold;" href="http://movies.amctv.com/movie?showID=MV000271480000&pageNav=synopsis&title=Road%20House">Road House</a> might qualify). Sure, you can still sometimes catch an old talkie from the '30s or '40s during the Cialis hours of the day, AMC's attempt to wrest Neilsen shares away from <span style="font-style: italic;">The Price is Right</span> and <span style="font-style: italic;">Matlock</span>, but when a channel's running movies like <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tZux5kOtx_U"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Chain Reaction</span></a> in prime evening timeslots, it's clearly headed back down the mountain of cultural relevance.<br /><br />Fortunately someone forgot to tell that to the people that run the channel's horror dept. Despite its obvious decline in just about every other realm, AMC continues to be the only fairly reliable resource for decent horror on widespread basic cable (the descriptor "decent" automatically disqualifies 97% of what airs on the Sci-Fi Channel). Between its weekly Fear Friday block and the annual weeklong <a href="http://www.amctv.com/fearfest/">Fearfest</a> (not to mention the <a href="http://blogs.amctv.com/horror-hacker/">Horror Hacker</a> blog), the channel continues to cater quite well to the horror crowd. Yeah, the movies are edited and riddled with commercials, but pretty soon we'll all be seeing ads on our toilet paper; that's capitalism. At least the cinematic toilet paper on AMC's roll more often than not stars Adrienne Barbeau.<br /><br />And, with the recent launch of their 2008 Fearfest <a href="http://blogs.amctv.com/fearfest/">promo site</a>, AMC's actually taken their TP into two-ply territory, making a handful of good oldies available for instant online viewing. And we're not talking about <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=doAnB5_eDnw"><span style="font-weight: bold;">The Lawnmower Man</span></a> or <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=85s_l8wJZXQ"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Bloody Murder 2</span></a>, here. The initial wave of online Fearfest flicks actually includes some movies worth watching, especially if you're a Vincent Price fan or can't get enough of Lance Henrikson's hair.<br /><br /><ul><li><a href="http://www.amctv.com/videos/horror-movies/?bcpid=1733855470&bclid=1815828189&bctid=1819716123">The Fall of the House of Usher</a></li><li><a href="http://www.amctv.com/videos/horror-movies/?bcpid=1733855470&bclid=1815816572&bctid=1819716057">The Haunted Palace</a></li><li><a href="http://www.amctv.com/videos/horror-movies/?bcpid=1733855470&bclid=1825840874&bctid=1825830152">The Island of Dr. Moreau</a><br /></li><li><a href="http://www.amctv.com/videos/horror-movies/?bcpid=1733855470&bclid=1815816712&bctid=1825615787">Pumpkinhead</a><br /></li></ul><br />AMC's also sponsoring a <a href="http://blogs.amctv.com/fear-video-contest/">contest</a> to award $4,000 to one aspiring horror filmmaker, but be warned: the final round guest judge is Rob Zombie, so unless your one-minute movie submission happens to be <span style="font-style: italic;">The Texas Chainsaw Massacre</span> or a classic slasher film remade into a crappy, self-indulgent after-school special, you might be better off waiting for AMC to sponsor a <span style="font-style: italic;">Road House</span> fest (which should kick-off right around November 1).Johnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05827046821343663616noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6720358057154728410.post-77270977865988295772008-10-08T20:44:00.000-07:002008-10-09T10:17:26.281-07:00Circle Takes the Square, Florence Henderson Takes a Hit, and The Paul Lynde Halloween Special Takes Your SoulEvery October for nearly a decade straight, until I lost access to cable, I would unwrap a new VHS tape and park it in my VCR (lol OLD!! wtf) and leave it there for the duration of the month <i>or</i> until I'd manage to fill it up with 6-to-8 hours of holiday programming. Months later when my craving returned, I would revisit my growing collection and soak up as much creepy cathode nonsense as I could to carry me through the spring and summer months.<br /><br />In the early years of this practice I was largely indiscriminate, setting the VCR timer to grab anything even remotely Hallowesque. The resulting surplus of <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QJrqDhx09Ls"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Big Wolf on Campus</span></a> episodes eventually convinced me to be a little more selective with my archiving, which made the whole process a little more challenging, but also equally rewarding. There's a goldmine of endearing, thematically rich Halloween TV specials waiting to be discovered if you're willing to wade through all of the Travel Channel's <span style="font-style: italic;">Most Haunted Outhouses and Phone Booths</span> specials and <span style="font-style: italic;">Emeril's Gourmet Gourds</span> on the Food Network.<br /><br /><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Paul_Lynde_Halloween_Special"><span style="font-weight: bold;">The Paul Lynde Halloween Special</span></a> is not one of them.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiu-PDO5SMtlo66hJMPxXGAx8EHWBOSuef8UhFC_r4rPGpz3F_zXGEJxnxeFgeBUrI2bhWhP25QjFeAdfCxKFoFLI-r4sqjjRzUWb_43B9mgve5Ja39N509qPt_nMvvCmdht03yJr0wMc8/s1600-h/screen-capture.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiu-PDO5SMtlo66hJMPxXGAx8EHWBOSuef8UhFC_r4rPGpz3F_zXGEJxnxeFgeBUrI2bhWhP25QjFeAdfCxKFoFLI-r4sqjjRzUWb_43B9mgve5Ja39N509qPt_nMvvCmdht03yJr0wMc8/s320/screen-capture.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5255002432035135074" border="0" /></a><br /><br />You'll find no perennial viewing material here; just a cantankerous game show host in a bat bow-tie and a musical performance by a Florence Henderson so visibly doped she doesn't notice that she's about to inhale the camera.<br /><br /><center><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjthkZWT1QwrRLafXuxeartyaZqzrBGvaQMBsP84h28EU66S6_XsLQbL3vGupd8g5Y0UCBh9cwiW7fGnUD5PjEZJfCD7t8Dp6HikedZrYb86jKLkfJjWzpOxm_CdN-xni4PsqDyAXpGDKA/s1600-h/screen-capture-5.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjthkZWT1QwrRLafXuxeartyaZqzrBGvaQMBsP84h28EU66S6_XsLQbL3vGupd8g5Y0UCBh9cwiW7fGnUD5PjEZJfCD7t8Dp6HikedZrYb86jKLkfJjWzpOxm_CdN-xni4PsqDyAXpGDKA/s200/screen-capture-5.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5255005566884112434" border="0" /></a> <a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFHVeCKAclB5IZGr_It4PMpMEEne7ctrLY7TrWrEPr_rFUa4Vjp2Vg9MCmNfLFgLPb47OzYUfOa-KF5ZdV0twNOhJ0oiydIw2GWHt4WXPSBIOcLSUKN1LBNWldBzL5h6gfdrpTQGGdQEk/s1600-h/screen-capture-13.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjFHVeCKAclB5IZGr_It4PMpMEEne7ctrLY7TrWrEPr_rFUa4Vjp2Vg9MCmNfLFgLPb47OzYUfOa-KF5ZdV0twNOhJ0oiydIw2GWHt4WXPSBIOcLSUKN1LBNWldBzL5h6gfdrpTQGGdQEk/s200/screen-capture-13.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5255005732413411218" border="0" /></a><br /></center><br /><br />Along the way, <span style="font-style: italic;">Carol Burnett Show</span> alumni like Betty White and Tim Conway show up to remind people that it's only 1976 and they're not dead yet, even though their careers might as well be. Oh yeah, and KISS make their <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yL1biaSzKOI">television debut</a> lip-synching to "Detroit Rock City," displaying chest hair so substantial the likes of which would not be seen again on network TV until <a style="font-style: italic;" href="http://www.poster.net/hasselhoff-david/hasselhoff-david-photo-xl-david-hasselhoff-6210197.jpg">Knight Rider</a>.<br /><br />Pop cultists have for years pointed to the <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VXcb7VPw59s">Star Wars Holiday Special</a> as the single worst piece of programming ever aired, but that's only because the Paul Lynde Halloween Special has been missing since its original broadcast date. Rescued from Lynde's derelict Winnebago in Fullerton, the only surviving master tape has now been "restored" and digitized so that all future generations can enjoy 51 incessant minutes of Lynde's snide quips backed up by <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=og98m3SdhUU">disco numbers</a>.Johnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05827046821343663616noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6720358057154728410.post-48165922478751001982008-10-06T22:59:00.000-07:002008-10-08T00:04:41.691-07:00Haigslist and The New Face of FEARnet<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiE7VoNuoTEKJw7SZuMVVWCQsp6JPcFjSO190psA42AQVmnZ-GgwvWb0C5crgU27V4BfHU3_g0UlnTzZURRpsxrD_LWqiNtCQ5gUJViMoVtHQl69hhsKKwoLC08m8Bt4nIDi09kadKLFgU/s1600-h/FEARlogo_325x200.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiE7VoNuoTEKJw7SZuMVVWCQsp6JPcFjSO190psA42AQVmnZ-GgwvWb0C5crgU27V4BfHU3_g0UlnTzZURRpsxrD_LWqiNtCQ5gUJViMoVtHQl69hhsKKwoLC08m8Bt4nIDi09kadKLFgU/s320/FEARlogo_325x200.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5254670695174002354" border="0" /></a>Despite its somewhat pandering news content and the juvenile hostility that pervades its comment fields, I've long been a tempered supporter of <a href="http://www.fearnet.com/">FEARnet's online presence</a>. The selection of free movies available for immediate viewing on FEARnet.com has never been very vast or widely compelling, but thus far theirs has been the only site to successfully license a continually evolving roster of horror movies and original programming that people might actually want to watch.<br /><br />The site's never been much on looks, though, between all of the banner ads, bumpers, and a layout that resembled every horror fan's ideal HTML execution circa 1997 (all that was missing was a dripping blood .gif).<br /><br /><center><img src=http://geocities.com/slasherkid666/bloodlin.gif></center><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhP8kTdxlfom7MrDYUeZvaT1yOx5W68Z9GEAOx4YkOuAK0ApJ9KVA6cFnontVA1Q6aADtwCvqE6i0yiMMzkzrzQWKR5guvSnck7QRL4-N-BW726XM-KS3YdJoINuh7LD5Mp7NjZ9l1VOnU/s1600-h/celebrityblogs_134x99.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 0pt 10px 10px; float: right; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhP8kTdxlfom7MrDYUeZvaT1yOx5W68Z9GEAOx4YkOuAK0ApJ9KVA6cFnontVA1Q6aADtwCvqE6i0yiMMzkzrzQWKR5guvSnck7QRL4-N-BW726XM-KS3YdJoINuh7LD5Mp7NjZ9l1VOnU/s320/celebrityblogs_134x99.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5254670859413905282" border="0" /></a>I must not have been the only one who knew FEARnet could do better, for the site has recently sold its soul to the devil (or <a href="http://hulu.com/">Hulu</a>) and re-emerged with a cleaner design and <a href="http://www.fearnet.com/news/b13150_better_faster_bloodier_new_fearnet.html">lots of n</a><a href="http://www.fearnet.com/news/b13150_better_faster_bloodier_new_fearnet.html">e</a><a href="http://www.fearnet.com/news/b13150_better_faster_bloodier_new_fearnet.html">w c</a><a href="http://www.fearnet.com/news/b13150_better_faster_bloodier_new_fearnet.html">ontent</a>. The immediate standout among all of the new features is undoubtedly a <a href="http://www.fearnet.com/blogs/sid_haig/index.html">blog by Sid</a><a href="http://www.fearnet.com/blogs/sid_haig/index.html"> H</a><a href="http://www.fearnet.com/blogs/sid_haig/index.html">a</a><a href="http://www.fearnet.com/blogs/sid_haig/index.html">i</a><a href="http://www.fearnet.com/blogs/sid_haig/index.html">g</a> you can use to stay on top of <strike>Sid's latest cinematic projects</strike> movies to avoid at Blockbuster and read all about what he had for breakfast at the Holiday Inn buffet during his most recent horror con appearance (assuming he ever makes a second post), but perhaps the most telling sign that FEARnet has landed a new sugar daddy is its new crop of <a href="http://www.fearnet.com/movies/index.html">free movies</a>, presented uncut and uninterupted. The bulk are still late-'90s DTV nap fodder, the site's acquisition of respectable fare like <a href="http://www.fearnet.com/movies/b13061_near_dark.html"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Near Dark</span></a> and <a href="http://www.fearnet.com/movies/b13151_devils_rejects.html"><span style="font-weight: bold;">The Devil's Rejects</span></a> more than makes up for the fact that some poor bastard is likely watching a <a href="http://www.fearnet.com/movies/b13057_faust_love_of_damned.html">Brian Yuzna movie</a> right now.Johnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05827046821343663616noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6720358057154728410.post-1364777872929231142008-10-03T08:47:00.000-07:002008-10-07T22:57:40.820-07:00Two Hearts Are Better Than None. Or Are They?<center><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjI2rt5_kzhAFJETt9TxghJeL4LAa9D5FB2W0Sl8zf3Yc9aoFycGDoatEP3jZ1pWuqbNhyphenhyphen9WHnaZ-Ztxy-VNBOZISKuyYoeyDs8E-RaYOEfl6y_panSmhA80a0LTr8oBNok51PiOExuiyA/s1600-h/bloody-valentine-3d.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjI2rt5_kzhAFJETt9TxghJeL4LAa9D5FB2W0Sl8zf3Yc9aoFycGDoatEP3jZ1pWuqbNhyphenhyphen9WHnaZ-Ztxy-VNBOZISKuyYoeyDs8E-RaYOEfl6y_panSmhA80a0LTr8oBNok51PiOExuiyA/s320/bloody-valentine-3d.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5253326859343377474" border="0" /></a> <a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSkJ225u-rxpVJ4ZgXTqbw-162EWej5SlSS3QBRtEyUYvNiykST1ZVvZ-7RBIOvFs4Fl769H-LoT20sx7mQjBBILaonaTMMRMx_TZctNcgGgXipIbU9_WO84QXPHm4lnXxUjRAhSq24Ug/s1600-h/hr_My_Bloody_Valentine_3D_teaser_poster.jpg"><img style="cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjSkJ225u-rxpVJ4ZgXTqbw-162EWej5SlSS3QBRtEyUYvNiykST1ZVvZ-7RBIOvFs4Fl769H-LoT20sx7mQjBBILaonaTMMRMx_TZctNcgGgXipIbU9_WO84QXPHm4lnXxUjRAhSq24Ug/s320/hr_My_Bloody_Valentine_3D_teaser_poster.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5253326779752318018" border="0" /></a></center><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">What we've got here is a failure to communicate...</span><br /><br />I was initially pretty ambivalent about the changes required by the MPAA for the <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1179891/"><b>My Bloody Valentine</b></a> remake teaser poster to get a passing grade (above on the left is the original version; to the right is the doctored U.S. one-sheet, which is either a brilliant inversion of Alfred Hitchock's chocolate-syrup-for-blood technique from <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rOC-zvyhrCU"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Psycho</span></a>, or just <a href="www.lionsgate.com">Lionsgate</a> being lazy); I figured, hey, at least it's not another <a href="http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/47d8df4123">floating-heads job</a>.<br /><br />But the more I think about it, the more this incident bothers me. It's not that I'm expecting <span style="font-style: italic;">great</span> things from the movie (if the 3-D aspect didn't temper my hopes, the involvement of <a href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0527261/">Patrick Lussier</a> -- who's sort of the <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cJ7IK9cY4D0">Rick Rosenthal</a> of the 21st-century -- certainly shoved a pick-ax in them) and feel it's been unfairly maligned (the MPAA applies its no-blood or low-blood policy to all posters it approves). It's the further implications of this case that are somewhat irritating.<br /><br />The one assurance offered all along by those involved with the remake as a consolation to fans of the still-just-as-potent-as-ever-in-all-the-right-(and wrong)-ways original film has been the production team's dedication to making a brutally violent, gory film, maintaining the shameless <span style="font-style: italic;">Tales From the Crypt</span>y approach to the material that helps the '80s version endure so well. Had Lionsgate forged ahead with their campaign in the states (the original poster above still hangs in European cinemas), particularly in spite of the MPAA's decree, it might have sent a clear signal of intent and re-established the ballsy integrity the firm once had among genre fans (lost amid a swollen catalog of <span style="font-weight: bold;">Saw</span> sequels and shitty direct-to-video drops). Instead, one is forced to call into question all that we've heard about the film's splatter quotient and wonder if this is going to be another edited print dropped in theaters to grab some opening-weekend bank and then released later on an unrated DVD. Sure, there are worse fates to befall a movie, but it's a lot harder for me to keep my dismissive tendencies at bay and even give something a chance if I don't think the people responsible for its creation have put their... uhh, you know... into it.Johnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05827046821343663616noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6720358057154728410.post-68485433536321374542008-10-01T00:10:00.000-07:002008-10-01T11:58:38.756-07:00Welcome Back to the Orange and Black<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://narwakk.free.fr/musiques/A.F.I/A.F.I%20-%20All%20Hallows/01%20-%20fall%20children.mp3"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEieRcijHsIgbxHIbiImAGmA-I1WjfxX_jtnGH4LSTcfkOnhLrFXngAtfoqq5bdF_XatcyYPK8p0obcx_cJBfJlNvgCs4rby9X_0e8rz-s3EDgTN1Yxcvu2EVPKy7WdsUo4X6hyphenhyphenEpOFgLPw/s400/cfiles12518.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5252049151308679026" /></a>Johnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05827046821343663616noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6720358057154728410.post-82940822913045721232008-09-30T01:44:00.000-07:002008-09-30T09:22:27.705-07:00Hype O-Negative<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhD9Yx5RzgErwm9UMN-_q_5LjB8G4OT8l5USnKc2BeGfCueiDXAhRKpvBxLM9BQ_sXXwTkyLyAGFmIYgiCehlxlVDrSlqMk2PLl3By2xIrpiEA0OONMnyr4M3D8fLFYY90cUkvbrb45LjY/s1600-h/trueblood.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhD9Yx5RzgErwm9UMN-_q_5LjB8G4OT8l5USnKc2BeGfCueiDXAhRKpvBxLM9BQ_sXXwTkyLyAGFmIYgiCehlxlVDrSlqMk2PLl3By2xIrpiEA0OONMnyr4M3D8fLFYY90cUkvbrb45LjY/s320/trueblood.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5251696605069115010" /></a><br />The <a href="http://moviesblog.mtv.com/2008/09/29/alan-ball-preps-horror-film-looks-towards-1930s-for-screwball-sex-comedy/">news</a> that <i>Six Feet Under</i> creator Alan Ball plans to make some additional dips into the horror genre is probably very, very exciting to all horror and Alan Ball fans, if by "all horror and Alan Ball fans" you mean horror or Alan Ball fans who haven't actually seen his <i>first</i> fright effort, <b><a href="www.hbo.com/trueblood/">True Blood</a></b>; purportedly a dramedic series about vampires living among humans, but really just a means of upping the number of crappy southern accents on cable television. <br /><br />Like a lot of HBO series, this is probably one of those shows that's intentionally inaccessible and unrewarding to viewers at its outset in order to generate cult cred and a second-season stride, which might be a good strategy if it didn't require people to even consider that Anna Paquin might one day be tolerable. In daring such an assumption, HBO makes an ass of you and umption. <br /><br />Admittedly, the three minutes of the show I was able to stand before severing the power cord from my television and shoving it into all of the orifices I use for breathing probably wasn't enough to accurately convey how the series will ultimately shape up, but if an Emmy nominee and Oscar-winner can't make vampires interesting in three minutes, maybe he dug up the wrong idea.Johnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05827046821343663616noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6720358057154728410.post-21729660821721645582008-09-29T11:44:00.000-07:002008-09-29T12:03:20.079-07:00Bat Brew<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjI14FwGCieldKggPI9F6Tuw98PGyD8JBN3xCA_StASfOuXOw4AbA6e3LqTv0IGTtdkP4gTqPgi-BWhFUiWgQk8x6Z4Szo2zvAG8B_bRZuB2LmuKfT_ahipE0Mh6_Wd5yxoKMBiGzKY6qM/s1600-h/DT-11-9+8.JPG"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjI14FwGCieldKggPI9F6Tuw98PGyD8JBN3xCA_StASfOuXOw4AbA6e3LqTv0IGTtdkP4gTqPgi-BWhFUiWgQk8x6Z4Szo2zvAG8B_bRZuB2LmuKfT_ahipE0Mh6_Wd5yxoKMBiGzKY6qM/s200/DT-11-9+8.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5251516557087797090" /></a>If you're a little freaked out by the current economic climate, as I am, try to take solace in the fact that at least there is no <a href="http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/chi-ap-ia-odd-batbrew,0,7361901.story">guano in your coffee grounds</a>.<br /><br />I guess you could argue that this story has little correlation to horror movies, but I'll be damned if the last sentence doesn't make me think of something out of <b><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zReX7OpfZXY">Gremlins</a></b>:<br /><br /><font size=2><i>[Officials] say the bat was sent to a state lab for testing but <b>its brain was too cooked by the heat of the brewing water</b> to determine if it had rabies.</i></font>Johnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05827046821343663616noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6720358057154728410.post-8430587314856709462008-09-26T16:12:00.000-07:002008-09-26T19:10:08.893-07:00"F" for FinallyGod bless the Halloween DVD season. Were it not for Best Buy and Blockbuster's annual need to fill up endcaps with something cheap and horror-related, the only new releases we'd be seeing 'round this time of year would be Anchor Bay's 47th edition of <i>Halloween</i> and a commemorative <i>Evil Dead</i> set packaged in a life-size latex replica of Bruce Campbell's chin.<br /><br />Fortunately, for those of you who, like me, spend less time in October opening candy wrappers and more time opening your wallets, the harvest is plentiful this year, especially if you're inclined toward bad slasher movies, or bad-good slasher movies, or <b><a href="http://posters.imdb.com/title/tt0082378/">Final Exam</a></b>.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpv9DgRptzjyrMxAEjBd9T2qoBTpO3JLJU6JjlEnZqj1grwSlh0fdGICUymfDdA85nE6B5wUzbX5bBiLKlayEOwYjV4ESui-1UNevXAQTHX-zetk4F3wT3luX9ti7fAWB51PrdCxtLK1U/s1600-h/787364815890-072-sRGB.jpg"><img style="float:left; margin:0 10px 10px 0;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpv9DgRptzjyrMxAEjBd9T2qoBTpO3JLJU6JjlEnZqj1grwSlh0fdGICUymfDdA85nE6B5wUzbX5bBiLKlayEOwYjV4ESui-1UNevXAQTHX-zetk4F3wT3luX9ti7fAWB51PrdCxtLK1U/s320/787364815890-072-sRGB.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5250517563983594450" /></a>Since seeing it for the first time about ten years ago, I've searched long and hard for someone else who actually liked <i>Final Exam</i>. Fans of "new" horror say it's too slow; fans of "old" horror say it's too much like <i>Halloween</i> (a detraction that's never really made much sense to me -- that's kind of like saying Diet Coke tastes too much like Coke). That's because <i>Final Exam</i> isn't really like any other movie from its era, or any era. It's classier than, say, <b><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u-QXt8yoK4k">Cheerleader Camp</a></b>, but not exactly Carpenteresque; it's essentially just another school slasher, but probably the only one that successfully favors characters over carnage for a good hour. It's derivative, but daring. And thanks to the endless e-mail onslaught by the 14 people who enjoy it enough to have worn out their old VHS tapes, it's finally out on <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Final-Exam-Cecile-Bagdadi/dp/B001AY0FRI/ref=pd_bbs_sr_2?ie=UTF8&s=dvd&qid=1222476931&sr=8-2">DVD</a>.<br /><br />No sign of any special features, so you'll have to live with a DVD on your shelf that isn't a 2-disc, high-def, scratch-n-sniff, sing-along edition, but that just means you'll have more room for that inevitable rubber chin.<br /><br /><b><i>Cheat Sheet:</i></b><br /><br /><ul><li><a href="http://bleedingskull.com/features/finalexam.html">Bleeding Skull's timely and exhaustive appreciation of <i>Final Exam</i></a></li><li><a href="http://horror-movie-a-day.blogspot.com/2008/03/final-exam.html">Horror Movie A Day christens March 14 <span style="font-style: italic;">Final Exam</span> day</a></li><li><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1vWFcf4XbcM"><span style="font-style: italic;">Final Exam</span> for short attention spans</a><br /></li></ul>Johnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05827046821343663616noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6720358057154728410.post-17694324562616632832008-09-24T22:09:00.001-07:002008-09-24T22:23:33.589-07:00Wild About Larry<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1nrfnYdYSHToLFvvIjeJ-gQ0xIhq3sW8UxWV7iiDrB0cce-lQS6DN6MXQeXm50Q7ngSTC08yfj2___e8_KfwAH6vqBvBjprREW-6Q0mAAmlKF-IXcctaM6ORlTE_G5HAYu9RL12A_Juo/s1600-h/medium-730.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg1nrfnYdYSHToLFvvIjeJ-gQ0xIhq3sW8UxWV7iiDrB0cce-lQS6DN6MXQeXm50Q7ngSTC08yfj2___e8_KfwAH6vqBvBjprREW-6Q0mAAmlKF-IXcctaM6ORlTE_G5HAYu9RL12A_Juo/s320/medium-730.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5249822192486823170" /></a>I’m not ashamed to admit that, up until not long ago, I pretty much knew Larry Fessenden exclusively as that guy that makes nap-inducing art-horror -- mostly because that’s how just about everyone comes to know Larry Fessenden. From <b><a href="http://www.glasseyepix.com/html/habit.html">Habit</a></b> to the first of his numerous flirtations with the legend of the <b><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tf9ZwGS0My0">Wendigo</a></b>, the one thing I could always grant him was consistency; his movies never failed to, quite literally, knock me out. <br /><br />But over the summer, as I’ve had to more closely analyze some of Fessenden’s recent work for reviews, I’ve found a new appreciation for him, largely due to the realization that he’s completely batshit crazy. <br /><br />Do a Google Image search for Fessenden and you’ll note one common characteristic: in all of his photos Fessenden looks remarkably like Jack Nicholson’s grizzled, mid-winter Jack Torrence from <b><a href="http://artfiles.art.com/images/-/Jack-Nicholson---The-Shining-Photograph-C10101822.jpeg">The Shining</a></b>. After researching him a bit, I’m fairly certain this is no coincidence, and that if left in a haunted hotel with only his wife, his son, and his typewriter, Fessenden might very well start kissing corpses in bathtubs. And I love him for this. <br /><br />Actually, as fringe filmmakers go, Fessenden seems to be a pretty moderate voice. Though his latest film, <b><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mY_BXNvbr8E">The Last Winter</a></b> (left to wander the festival wasteland for nearly two ridiculous years before getting distribution), deals with climate change, ecological disturbances resulting from the quest for oil, and vengeful undead elks, the heart of the film is less concerned with sociopolitical issues and more with believable characters and the realistic interpersonal relationships they share. No <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lt5e5axzKBA">hip-hop artists talking to plants</a>, either.<br /><br />That said, Fessenden’s work does artistically express his beliefs and opinions, whether intentionally or not, but he’s not shackled to his commentary to the detriment of the movies (<i>coughcoughDiaryoftheDeadcoughcough</i>).<br /><br />Perhaps most endearing of all, I’m pretty sure the Muppet <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EGmot7jKYso">“Crazy Harry”</a> was based on Fessenden. Jim Henson was just never very good with spelling. <br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghiJBX2QFWQ39XmEcp0dD4LCSP6XgCP_fF6zUs8NnRFnkPmSk1usct0pN7CxLKLywKGC7dLBkzjnt6OtJ849gEdumz9T1nDI_7VrqUna-xldIPW4WJm-eGEmjnyT7zLyAANo3yS0OK-Fg/s1600-h/crazy_harry.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEghiJBX2QFWQ39XmEcp0dD4LCSP6XgCP_fF6zUs8NnRFnkPmSk1usct0pN7CxLKLywKGC7dLBkzjnt6OtJ849gEdumz9T1nDI_7VrqUna-xldIPW4WJm-eGEmjnyT7zLyAANo3yS0OK-Fg/s320/crazy_harry.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5249822312434529186" /></a>Johnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05827046821343663616noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6720358057154728410.post-6166457184477464672008-09-23T14:22:00.000-07:002008-09-23T14:47:06.018-07:00Peeping Tom Savini<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhICAEQOESPwcOSSc2F_6lyeRIBqI6WLfrfofwIORddIDr-rL9B3s1-PrzJoyimNR0L_Ktvt_nzhr411vjCMZ0UTfj_R6Zm4tv9kdqhaKDPliEQ6tvwuEjCykmAGdUUCGMsvI82M9sAH5w/s1600-h/His_Name_Was_Jason_Set_Photos_18.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhICAEQOESPwcOSSc2F_6lyeRIBqI6WLfrfofwIORddIDr-rL9B3s1-PrzJoyimNR0L_Ktvt_nzhr411vjCMZ0UTfj_R6Zm4tv9kdqhaKDPliEQ6tvwuEjCykmAGdUUCGMsvI82M9sAH5w/s320/His_Name_Was_Jason_Set_Photos_18.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5249334804426417906" /></a>Ryan has posted a great write-up/photo gallery on the forthcoming <i>Friday the 13th</i> doc <b>His Name is Jason</b> over at <a href=http://www.shocktillyoudrop.com>Shock</a>, including word on the "restaging" of key sequences from the films, like the wheelchair death from <i>Part 2</i> and the strip poker game from the first film (now accompanied, in a stroke perhaps more amusing than the producers even intended, by the prying eyes of FX legend and documentary host Tom Savini doing his best "Crazy Ralph"). <br /><br />My fingers are crossed for a reimagining of the convenience shop owner eating his own donuts from <i>Part 3</i> and the outhouse serenade from <i>Part V</i>. <br /><br />Oh yeah, and I'm back.Johnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05827046821343663616noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6720358057154728410.post-55935131464251631292008-07-04T00:55:00.000-07:002008-07-05T00:56:40.686-07:00Your Patriotic Duty<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/T_3Y1XFSlMY&hl=en&fs=1"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/T_3Y1XFSlMY&hl=en&fs=1" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object><br />Answer the call.Johnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05827046821343663616noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6720358057154728410.post-31633820494167713102008-07-02T22:47:00.001-07:002008-12-12T19:38:30.028-08:00When there's no more room in hell, the dead will play hockeyIt’s been so long since I actively followed the making and marketing of Kevin Smith’s movies that I completely forgot that there are actually people out there who do. Bless ‘em all, though, for without a few other pairs of observant eyes, I wouldn’t know about Smith’s first foray into fear flicks. <br /><br />Those who do keep tabs on Smith and his View Askewiverse might assume I’m referring to <a href=http://www.slashfilm.com/2007/09/03/kevin-smith-answers-red-state-questions/><b>Red State</b></a>, the politically overt horror film he’s been working on (currently slated for a 2010 release). But while Smith temporarily tabled that project so he could squeeze out <a href=http://newsaskew.com/category/news/zackmiri/>another wacky, offbeat romantic comedy</a>, his interest in horror is manifesting on the big screen nonetheless, albeit on Seth Rogen’s sweaty chest. <br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEja7_fNE82NnTxV3wjP7_x2V3DuOiWdyfKe6YaUU_eKR7XJOeaGF7UXn2BbEDRNprjzqmOzCptguX0PmL0a1Chpt7G_J3gphx9fIyCp5zUWZr7l2g75iqqFA7tt9nZMwJvRtdkIYarizg4/s1600-h/ZMzombies.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEja7_fNE82NnTxV3wjP7_x2V3DuOiWdyfKe6YaUU_eKR7XJOeaGF7UXn2BbEDRNprjzqmOzCptguX0PmL0a1Chpt7G_J3gphx9fIyCp5zUWZr7l2g75iqqFA7tt9nZMwJvRtdkIYarizg4/s320/ZMzombies.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5218660497012410594" /></a><br /><br />The promotional still above, from a scene in Smith’s latest, features Rogen and New Jersey’s favorite video store clerk paying homage to the original <a href=http://www.americanpopularculture.com/journal/articles/fall_2002/harper.htm><b>Dawn of the Dead</b></a> as teammates on a hockey team titled the Monroeville Zombies. The new film was shot and is reportedly set in Monroeville, PA, and includes scenes filmed in the same <a href=http://www.mallofthedead.net/>shopping mall</a> where the dead once famously walked the earth. And, as is typical with the props and fake brands featured in View Askew movies, Smith’s stick-wielding stiffs have shambled onto <a href=http://jayandsilentbob.com/mozohoje.html>real-world jerseys you can buy</a> from his Secret Stash comic shop. <br /><br />And that’s just the start of Monroeville’s resurging undead infamy. While attending the June <a href=http://horrorhoundweekend.com>HorrorHound Weekend</a> in the Pittsburgh ‘burb, the crew of <a href=http://notlp.com>NOTLP</a> met and interviewed one of the guys behind <i>Monroeville Zombies: The Zombie Experience</i>, described as sort of a zombie museum/theme park/gift shop hybrid coming soon to a vacant mall storefront. There’s not much up on the project’s <a href=http://monroevillezombies.com>website</a> yet, but it definitely sounds like it will be worth a trip to Pittsburgh. <br /><br />Whether or not it justifies actually braving a shopping mall is another matter entirely…Johnhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05827046821343663616noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6720358057154728410.post-18513547669102486952008-07-01T13:32:00.001-07:002008-12-12T19:38:30.265-08:00Who's the fairest French horror auteur of all?<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhppo6sl7ILSHz4Prp7oa-nRmXwlz3bfy_IwyWPzSXHSDTqMAZGKPURJp0X7z9tQ2VQ0_5f1sN-WC73bz-jA0aQkYHzM_N1nPWjOIIi6LJEGWT7_TFGtWfgmsfFbrfzYSo11xq9OawxxsE/s1600-h/mirrors-small.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhppo6sl7ILSHz4Prp7oa-nRmXwlz3bfy_IwyWPzSXHSDTqMAZGKPURJp0X7z9tQ2VQ0_5f1sN-WC73bz-jA0aQkYHzM_N1nPWjOIIi6LJEGWT7_TFGtWfgmsfFbrfzYSo11xq9OawxxsE/s320/mirrors-small.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5218146435962973522" border="0" /></a><br />So pummeled into indifference was I by the <a href="http://www.rollingstone.com/reviews/movie/8961052/review/9440883/hills_have_eyes"><b>Hills Have Eyes</b></a> remake that I'd forgotten how much it excites me to see Alexandre Aja's name attached to something.<br /><br />Not that the theatrical poster for his latest film, <a href="http://mirrorsmovie.com/"><b>Mirrors</b></a>, (which <a href="http://www.shocktillyoudrop.com/"><b>Shock</b></a> broke last week) needed <i>anyone</i>'s name on it to generate excitement. Stark and rich all at the same time, the only thing that could make this one-sheet more breathtaking would be the <i>absence</i> of names - cut the credits, drop the "From the director of..." heading, and alter the title treatment so just that one backwards 'R' is red to match the nicely highlighted rating, and this thing would be a masterpiece. Even without any clues regarding the film's plot (which, for the record, sounds equally rad -- check the brief details <a href="http://www.shocktillyoudrop.com/films.php?id=1344">here</a>), it swallows me whole and makes August 15 seem impossibly far away.<br /><br /><b>UPDATE</b>: The film's <a href=http://www.mirrorsmovie.com/main.html?swf="redband">red band trailer</a> debuted today, and it takes a decidedly less subtle approach than the poster above. But if there's one filmmaker who's been consistently successful conveying brutal, relentless horror, it's <strike>Alexandre Aja</strike> Neal Marshall. But if there's a filmmaker who's been <i>moderately</i> successful at that approach, it's Alexandre Aja, so we'll keep the books open on this one until it spills for real on August 15.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6720358057154728410.post-6625654536794047202008-06-30T20:39:00.000-07:002008-12-12T19:38:30.438-08:00Eyes on the Road2 months. If it had been a movie, Dennis Hopper would have come looking for me with chainsaws strapped to his junk. <br /><br />Despite all evidence to the contrary, I did make it out of Texas alive… only to be consumed by a month and a half of 12-hour workdays. All attempts to post took place at the end of said workdays and ended with my face pressed against the home row keys, and really, as banal as blogging sometimes gets, even I couldn’t justify posting <i><b>kafdlkjghjjfhghlkjasdfhghjjfhglkjasdflkgh</b></i>. <br /><br />If you do the math, however, you’ll realize that the month and a half I just mentioned doesn’t quite account for the full 2 months I’ve been absent. That other half-month was spent on the road; including, most importantly, an extended weekend in the (allegedly) most haunted city in America, Savannah, GA, where, just moments before embarking on a trolley tour hosted by Wednesday Adams, I proposed to De of the Dead and she accepted. Give it up for reciprocal love and spending the night of your engagement on the top floor of a haunted hotel. <br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjFGqkSG6rx8W5DoF0pw-EXT_eW_tWv3V6alRKYAgz-qtHXnwmykmGK3ibcoGnsRyanoZbe0F8y1zmyoktToOfv-XK50rnmoTfmuov7AgaIGn7UwVZ5xDTxFv2cDIk5OOHeiMICTaalD4/s1600-h/dd_mainimage.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhjFGqkSG6rx8W5DoF0pw-EXT_eW_tWv3V6alRKYAgz-qtHXnwmykmGK3ibcoGnsRyanoZbe0F8y1zmyoktToOfv-XK50rnmoTfmuov7AgaIGn7UwVZ5xDTxFv2cDIk5OOHeiMICTaalD4/s320/dd_mainimage.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5217885498683269874" /></a>Which, by the way, is the real subject of this post. Years ago, while a member of the horror site so cool it couldn’t last, I was privileged to sponsor the initial online incarnation of good friend Tom Gleason’s travel guide to terror, which over the last couple years has grown and flourished into <a href=http://www.thecabinet.com/darkdestinations/index.php?sub_id=dark_destinations>Dark Destinations</a>, an index of user-generated profiles detailing all manner of horror and paranormal-related locations around the world. Want to walk in <a href= http://www.thecabinet.com/darkdestinations/location.php?sub_id=dark_destinations&letter=b&location_id=the_budd_apartment>Albert Fish’s footsteps</a>? Make on offer on <a href=http://www.thecabinet.com/darkdestinations/location.php?sub_id=dark_destinations&letter=p&location_id=poltergeist_house>the <i>Poltergeist</i> house</a>? Dark Destinations can help you get there. <br /><br />When you go to a place as ripe for paranormal research as Savannah, you can’t help but share your findings, which is what I’ve been doing while settling back into my subterranean abode. So far I’ve added two locations to the Dark Destinations database, but the interface is so easy that I can practically crank ‘em out while pouring a bowl of Count Chocula, so expect more in the future. For now, check out my profile of the spooky site where De and I rested our weary bones while in Savannah, <a href=http://www.thecabinet.com/darkdestinations/location.php?sub_id=dark_destinations&letter=all&display_order=date_submitted&location_id=the_marshall_house_hotel>The Marshall House Hotel</a>, and a <a href=http://www.thecabinet.com/darkdestinations/location.php?sub_id=dark_destinations&letter=all&display_order=date_submitted&location_id=lafayette_park >local St. Louis haunt</a> located right across the street from some friends of mine. <br /><br />After some site maintenance and design touch-ups, we should be back to our regularly scheduled bloodletting. On the review front, watch for my upcoming take on <a href=http://youtube.com/watch?v=KNG7Jv9JfPg>The Eye 3</a>, <a href=http://youtube.com/watch?v=LJRofZUwF48>Grizzly Park</a>, <a href=http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0874917/>Hybrid</a>, <a href=http://youtube.com/watch?v=SwbSvBrlNZo>The Possession of Joel Delaney</a>, and the vampire romance <a href=http://youtube.com/watch?v=6ggHVvl6pyc>Let the Right One In</a>.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6720358057154728410.post-56015134840260020742008-04-22T01:10:00.000-07:002008-12-12T19:38:30.620-08:00Dinner With the FamilyI’m unexpectedly bound for Texas this week due to some unfortunate circumstances, but I’m looking forward to spending time with the lady’s family (end even more time with a plate of breakfast tacos). <br /><br />Should we lose our way, though, I’m glad to know we need not starve out on the backroads; we’ll just do dinner <a href=http://www.dreamagic.com/roger/texasChainsawMassacre2.gif>Sawyer Family</a> style, at the <a href=http://www.texaschainsawmassacre.net/FilmLocations/House/House.htm> farm house from the original <i>Texas Chainsaw Massacre</i></a>. I learned about the house’s second life as a restaurant while in college (you’d be surprised what kind of term paper topics you can get away with when your instructors are more concerned with their smoke breaks than their syllabus), but it wasn’t until recently that a visit actually seemed plausible. Now I just need to sell my traveling companions, who watch horror movies about as often as I read <i>Cosmo</i>, on the plan. <br /><br />I’ve got an idea, though…<br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguuAk8TGj5blvP54xZnvSpudgFEZGqJksNhG49wSluTP5UW4fVUhd6KBB1zHhWpxboRwYVr4a-uncn3OZeA1B9S8Pj8uRrvngn21uJU-S5aDhQuEYjcQWsifMmF43omoWHh8hSV2c-hUE/s1600-h/house.JPG"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEguuAk8TGj5blvP54xZnvSpudgFEZGqJksNhG49wSluTP5UW4fVUhd6KBB1zHhWpxboRwYVr4a-uncn3OZeA1B9S8Pj8uRrvngn21uJU-S5aDhQuEYjcQWsifMmF43omoWHh8hSV2c-hUE/s320/house.JPG" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5191979282215468850" /></a><br /><br />Be back in a week.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6720358057154728410.post-9282155679508211212008-04-18T00:20:00.000-07:002008-12-12T19:38:30.775-08:00Public Display of Affection<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzHXDRTgjNiMkfR-3hlOk2aIMmh9QSHlLi8uxlX6E6EJxt_l2f-d8IHPsrULtOIAXr8Jhn8CPfQWqf1HzkAj_kVT64qKoOhITRlHsSICkZKz52EjO0x36JZ3dO5dBbHiB2dZ7ckkA6Pr8/s1600-h/698728600_a383b5c102.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjzHXDRTgjNiMkfR-3hlOk2aIMmh9QSHlLi8uxlX6E6EJxt_l2f-d8IHPsrULtOIAXr8Jhn8CPfQWqf1HzkAj_kVT64qKoOhITRlHsSICkZKz52EjO0x36JZ3dO5dBbHiB2dZ7ckkA6Pr8/s320/698728600_a383b5c102.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5191966272759529250" /></a>Baseball. Gardening. Senioritis. Allergy headaches. The dawn of spring wears many faces. <br /><br />But if you’re a fan of distinct film-viewing experiences (or just distinct viewing experiences), the arrival of tolerable temps always translate to one thing: <b>drive-in season</b>. <br /><br />As the ‘70s sweep into town this weekend, it’s hard to resist a night under the stars with some flick – ideally a horror movie, but it really doesn’t matter what it is (my nearby movie lot is packing <b><a href=http://cloverfieldmovie.com>Cloverfield</a></b> and <b><a href=http://ruinsmovie.com>The Ruins</a></b> back-to-back – unspooling several rows of cars up ahead. Preferably without any moans coming from the car next door. <br /><br />If you’re lucky enough to have one in your area, dump your DVDs this weekend and cruise on out to the local o-zoner. Before the mosquitoes get there. <br /><br /><i>Snack Bar</i>:<br /><br />• <a href=http://drive-in.com><b>Drive-In.com</b></a> -- It ain’t pretty, but neither is a drive-in restroom; you’ve still gotta go there eventually. Find your nearest drive-in here. <br /><br />• <b><a href=http://www.briansdriveintheater.com/>Brian’s Drive-In Theater</a></b> -- Don’t know John Agar from John Saxon? Countdown the hours till sunset by doing some homework. <br /><br />• <a href=http://dvddrive-in.com><b>DVD Drive-In</b></a> -- If you absolutely <i>can’t</i> make it out to a drive-in, just knock down the wall between your living room and your garage and take in a recommendation from this trusted joint.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6720358057154728410.post-20937715994342145782008-04-16T08:01:00.000-07:002008-12-12T19:38:30.931-08:00If I Only Had 18 Bucks<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7pI9pBs1t49tP-MUMCEXnz8wcPn7MqI-avNjrf2G5fjXNP8IopyVOjqO58vUTKsXtRFxiGTmZ24l1xqVtN-mFCS7G9eK8WDXtXZ1_b_4uXh3FCazXuWZ4ANJlSwyofDWJCnRbb-mzuXg/s1600-h/bustedtees.70525641dc3823f043ef5095b00725de.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7pI9pBs1t49tP-MUMCEXnz8wcPn7MqI-avNjrf2G5fjXNP8IopyVOjqO58vUTKsXtRFxiGTmZ24l1xqVtN-mFCS7G9eK8WDXtXZ1_b_4uXh3FCazXuWZ4ANJlSwyofDWJCnRbb-mzuXg/s200/bustedtees.70525641dc3823f043ef5095b00725de.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5189859532928453058" /></a>For the first time ever, tax season has come and gone without a check from the government hitting my mailbox. This year Washington plucked a few bucks from my bank account instead, which is unfortunate, because if I did have a few extra bones lying around, I’d be stimulating the economy over at <a href=http://bustedtees.com>Busted Tees</a> by picking up <a href=http://www.bustedtees.com/brains>the best T-shirt this side of the rainbow</a>.<br><br>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6720358057154728410.post-81056664677174467892008-04-14T21:49:00.000-07:002008-04-15T21:54:44.139-07:00A Tale of Two Layouts (and One Aging, Narcissistic Intercessor)It was the best of times, it was the worst of times. Some people call it a space cowboy, but I call it April. <br /><br />We shouldn’t complain about three new theatrical genre releases in as many Fridays, but the last few weeks haven’t exactly delivered the most potent 1-2-3 punch. <a href=http://www.ruinsmovie.com><b>The Ruins</b></a> got fooled on April 4; more kids turned out last week for the <a href=http://www.sonypictures.com/movies/promnight/><b>Prom</b></a>, but hardly had a night to remember; a killer paints with body parts in this week’s <a href=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ayvIxctoJkc>Anamorph</a>, but only on select screens. <br /><br />Half-hearted horror is typical for this time of year, with studios emptying out their junk drawers to make room for more prints of <i>Iron Man</i> and <i>Indiana Jones</i> -- which makes it as good a time as any to stay in and freshen things up around here. All four frequent readers will notice a new layout, still evolving as I try to decide between functionality and form (and figure out a good place to hide some surprise <a href=http://www.rockdetector.com/assets/resized/img/artists/9277-0-220-0-300.jpg>Jon Mikl-Thor</a> pictures -- found one!). <br /><br />Much cooler stuff is coming soon, including an interview with the trinity of soul-stealing awesomeness that is <a href=http://calabreserock.com>Calabrese</a>, and a tribute to sex in conversion vans. If the RSS feed’s a-rockin…Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6720358057154728410.post-7542055936531231162008-04-08T17:13:00.000-07:002008-12-12T19:38:31.267-08:00I Want Uwe!<i>Or, "Keep the Boll Rolling!"</i><br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrTxD_WLt_f5Qjs_oN9_RkPqMSOtoDGQt2XqLVsnYct-c92w9sO0NwjOui4c0Nko9BaggDkSGk8hu4VYn4GwiBqRFBYhcjvEAyzvnDzQnxq0gtWRgM4NJiWNxbO7dipf3QBA5yeuIoVt4/s1600-h/thumbshigh.jpg"><img style="float:right; margin:0 0 10px 10px;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrTxD_WLt_f5Qjs_oN9_RkPqMSOtoDGQt2XqLVsnYct-c92w9sO0NwjOui4c0Nko9BaggDkSGk8hu4VYn4GwiBqRFBYhcjvEAyzvnDzQnxq0gtWRgM4NJiWNxbO7dipf3QBA5yeuIoVt4/s320/thumbshigh.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5187032489837432706" /></a><a href=http://blogs.amctv.com/monsterfest/2008/04/uwe-boll-online-petition.php>Monsterfest</a> passed along word of a new <a href=>FEARnet interview with German director/cerebral sadist Uwe Boll</a> posted last week. Like Boll’s films, it’s full of unintentional humor (including a quote in which Boll attempts to position himself as a satirist while in the same breath referencing <i>The Naked Gun</i>). <br /><br />Most amusing, however, is Boll’s acknowledgement of an <a href=http://www.petitiononline.com/RRH53888/petition.html>online petition</a> requesting that he retire from filmmaking. At the time of the interview it held 18,000 signatures, which Boll deemed inadequate, claiming it would take a million signatures before he’d stop making shitty movies. As of today, not even five days after the interview was posted, more than 120,000 people have signed it. The joke’s on Uwe. <br /><br />One signature you won’t find on that roster is mine -- not because I disagree with the undersigned’s assertions of Boll’s “complete lack of comprehension” and “ham-fisted approach to horror,” but because those same characteristics make Boll one of the most reliable filmmakers working today. With any other director, there’s a certain degree of quality variance from product to product. Only with Boll can you count on crap, which is why I encourage everyone to think beyond his or her gut reaction and imagine what the world would be like if Claudio Fragasso’s career had been squelched before he’d been able to make <a href=http://www.badmovies.org/movies/trollii/>Troll II</a>.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEit0vSBCAs92IS9H7EQb1CXCFD_p3XLuLVXzk0EHXHbnL3kFdyB1MjJdZrGUkVEPjxeDqdzGngOp59vg7LDRTnPpRX4myXyDNoDSZra0LcWNVnMi9L18ELLbd1SYD4-UtOpFsbluxdQ8_k/s1600-h/troll2word.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEit0vSBCAs92IS9H7EQb1CXCFD_p3XLuLVXzk0EHXHbnL3kFdyB1MjJdZrGUkVEPjxeDqdzGngOp59vg7LDRTnPpRX4myXyDNoDSZra0LcWNVnMi9L18ELLbd1SYD4-UtOpFsbluxdQ8_k/s320/troll2word.jpg" border="0" alt=""id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5187033026708344722" /></a>Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1