Miss Horrorless

The Revenge of the Day Job buried all my attempts to post last week, but I did find a sliver of free time this weekend to get reacquainted with the couch and some friends and catch up on the 2007 After Dark Horrorfest films that eluded me on the festival weekend. Now out on DVD, the ’07 alumni aren’t nearly as bad as I’d been led to believe; just undermined by a misguided promotion and After Dark’s apparent insistence that horror fans are all goth idiots.

In addition to fest flick trailers and some film-related bonus features, each of the Horrorfest DVDs includes some webisodes from the 2007 Miss Horrorfest competition, potentially the most heinous use of the video medium since the debut of Crystal Pepsi. I’d previously thought the “contest” was strictly a one-round vote kind of thing with YouTube viewers picking their favorite audition video from the country’s finest crop of cabaret dancers with dyed black hair and tattoos. What I didn’t realize was that After Dark had crafted an entire pseudo-reality series around the concept, with the girls subjected to an episodically broadcast series of tests and scenarios from which one unlucky contestant was eliminated each week. The only thing that kept the series from fulfilling its aspirations completely was the absence of Flava Flav in a jack-o-lantern costume.

Within seconds of watching Countess Bathory and the Morbid Sisters prance around the Queen Mary, I witnessed a second competition in the confines of my viewing quarters as young adults of varying age, gender, and intoxication level battled for the chance to desecrate the DVD.



After screening the final episode and learning the outcome, I’m still a little unclear on what benefits the Miss Horrorfest moniker grants to the winner, though based on what I’ve seen I’d say acting lessons and a gift card to Anne Taylor would be universally valuable. This seems to be an annual thing for After Dark, so assuming Horrorfest ’08 is still going to happen (the ’07 round licked box-office carpet last November), any interested candidates have about six months to stockpile eyeliner and come up with a macabre alliterative nickname. First person to e-mail me with synonym for “evil” that begins with “J” gets a Horrorfest DVD only slightly caked with kitty litter.