Treatwatch 2008

If I could be anywhere in the world tonight -- excluding Drew Barrymore's couch -- I'd be at Screamfest 2008, where Michael Doherty's film Trick 'r Treat finally makes its world premiere in just a few short traffic-laden West Coast hours. Much like House of 1000 Corpses did back, Treat has turned into something a minor legend due to its shuffling release dates and the yes-we-will/no-we-won't game Warner Bros. continues to play with it, to the point that I often worry if maybe we're better off never seeing it; as if maybe there's just no way it could ever live up to the controversy that continues to grow around it, and it's much more valuable to us as a modern-day London After Midnight, talked of in complete reverence because no one knows any better.

And then I watch the trailer again.

If I could have one influential wish on Hollywood, it would not be the eradication of Jar Jar Binks, or a charity boxing match between Uwe Boll and Kevin Williamson, or a sequel to The Monster Squad. It would simply be that this film be released widely and just turn out half as awesome as this trailer.

But since the likelihood of that happening is probably less than even that of the other three, I'll settle for some reviews. When not out pumpkin' picking this weekend, I'll be scanning for reviews from tonight's screening and posting them here. If you come across one, earn yourself a nice spot in the heaven of conscientious e-mailers (and a free Slurpee, should we ever meet) and e-mail it to me. I'll look 'em over and post some overall impressions on Monday. And then I'll mail four severed ears and a broken crock pot to Warner Bros.

Treat Talk:

• Bloody-Disgusting
• Creepy LA
  
• Horror-Movie-A-Day
• Horror's Not Dead

UPDATE:
"...I can’t imagine a single horror fan that won’t fall head over heels in love with it."

Read only the first paragraph of any of the reviews posted above and you'll see similar conclusions drawn. Surely there are those who were underwhelmed by the film, but if they are out they're, they're not writing about their feelings and posting them on the Internet. That doesn't necessarily mean anything conclusive, but in a world where test screenings count more than contracts or common sense, it's possibly the biggest help the film can get right now. Doherty may have essentially washed his claws of the film, but if it ever does creep its way out from behind the Warner studio gates, it will most likely rest heavily on the shoulders of the comments he heard Friday night and the digital words spilled in the screening's wake. If it doesn't ever see an official release, it will most likely displace this as the pinnacle of all things viewable in a 2x2" frame.

I Want Uwe!

Or, "Keep the Boll Rolling!"

Monsterfest passed along word of a new FEARnet interview with German director/cerebral sadist Uwe Boll posted last week. Like Boll’s films, it’s full of unintentional humor (including a quote in which Boll attempts to position himself as a satirist while in the same breath referencing The Naked Gun).

Most amusing, however, is Boll’s acknowledgement of an online petition requesting that he retire from filmmaking. At the time of the interview it held 18,000 signatures, which Boll deemed inadequate, claiming it would take a million signatures before he’d stop making shitty movies. As of today, not even five days after the interview was posted, more than 120,000 people have signed it. The joke’s on Uwe.

One signature you won’t find on that roster is mine -- not because I disagree with the undersigned’s assertions of Boll’s “complete lack of comprehension” and “ham-fisted approach to horror,” but because those same characteristics make Boll one of the most reliable filmmakers working today. With any other director, there’s a certain degree of quality variance from product to product. Only with Boll can you count on crap, which is why I encourage everyone to think beyond his or her gut reaction and imagine what the world would be like if Claudio Fragasso’s career had been squelched before he’d been able to make Troll II.